Homecoming 2002

After work on Thursday, I headed out on what was to be the greatest weekend road trip in the world.  But it didn't start off that way.  So I'm heading east on I-10 just getting some speed and I hear some crazy thump/smash sound.  I had no clue what it was but at first thought I blew a tire.  After some experimentation with my truckity-truck discovered this not to be the case.  I guess I must've just hit some bump in the road or something.  So I pull into Ev's house and he comes out with his stuff, looks over my truck and says "Damn, did you clean out the back of your truck?  It looks really shiny."  So I go to the back of my truck, examine it and find that the bed-liner isn't there...wonderful.  So that thump/smash type sound was the bed-liner lifting out of the back of my truck and flying out.  Anyways...Me and Ev hit the road at 1am, destination...Pat's King of Steaks Philly, PA.  The trip up 95 was more eventful than one would think (we can make any boring task fun, and there is only one other person in the world that I could take this sort of trip with...what up daz).  We were making great time, traveling at an average rate of 93 mph.  Only wanted to stop for gas so when Evan had to make the pee-pee he grabbed an empty gatorade bottle, kneeled  in front of the seat (facing the seat) and started to relieve himself.  Took him awhile to get going though cause he was nervous.  So as this is going on, I proceed to speed up next to an 18-wheeler.  Right when I'm next to it I turned on the dome light to give the truck driver a show.  I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.  Remembering back, there was hardly a dull moment, but at the same time, me and Ev can't really remember much of the trip.  We just know we each got about an 1 of sleep and the rest of the time was filled with gut splitting laughter.  Which mostly had to do with our personal antics but was also aided by KG and Jack Black's cd.  Now that's f'in teamwork.  We also came up with a dance number to "Hotel California," of the likes that could easily be made into a musical.  Let's keep our fingers crossed that we passed some big movie director during one of our many performances.  So basically I drove about 700 miles and then passed the torch to Ev. 

Well I guess he really wanted to go to DC because the next thing I know we're at the Arlington Cemetery Circle...oh dear.  So as we try to return to I-95 we find that it's not all that simple.  There was a whole bunch of construction going on so the normal routes were inaccessible.  Eventually, after a short 1-hour tour we did make our way back to the road.  But Ev:  "I had a wonderful time with you in our nation's capital."  When we got into Philly and the center of the nation's best cheesesteak rivalry (Geno's vs Pat's) Bryan and Erin weren't there yet so we decide to find the closest bar which just so happens to be within a block.  Ray's Bar, where the average age is somewhere in the 50s was exactly what we needed after a long drive.  So we order a couple pints of lager from a guy who probably has been working there ever since it's been open.  We find out later he is the son of the owner.  So we're sitting and chatting to ourselves when the bartender comes over to us with a couple more beers and says they're from Mike and points over to some guy who's rolling with an entourage of about 7 or 8.  We thank him graciously and return the favor.  We didn't actually go over and talk with him, like we should have, but I know I didn't want to say something wrong because he was obviously "connected."  Traded stories with a man in his late 70s who was barely audible but none-the-less colorful and sincere.  The bartender invited us to eat in the back with Mike and his friends.  They were celebrating the 2-year anniversary of the owner's passing.  Unfortunately we had to decline because we were meeting Bryan and Erin, who happened to show up shortly after the offer.  So we go over to Pat's and chow down on THE BEST lunch combo in the world.  A whiz wit, cheese fries, and a cherry pepsi.  After Pat's we parted ways.  Ev and I went back to his place in Medford Lakes, crashed on the couch for a couple of hours, ate with the fam (shrimp stir-fry), and headed out for the night. 

First, we went to the Village Pub to talk with the manager, check out the lay-out and of course have a beer.  Headed over to Sara's for more than a few beers and a few games of trapped or something like that.  Oh by the way kids...Crack kills!  We decide to head to some place called Cafe Society, in my personal opinion the biggest rip-off club I've ever been to.  $5 cover, and drink specials that would have P-Diddy sayin "Wait, how much?"  At any rate some huge fight breaks out so the place closes.  Yea that's right sports fans a place closes because of a fight.  They don't kick out the lame asses that start the fight and continue the party, but close the whole place down because of some losers.  I expect them to be searching for new management within the month.  After that we dropped everyone off back at Sara's place then me and Ev decided we were just too damn pooped to do any more drinking so went back to his place and crashed.  The next morning I woke up early and headed to my house.  Received a wonderful reception from my dogs Roxy and Rio, and of course my mom and grandma.  Ate some breakfast, helped my mom move some boxes and stuff, and started getting everything together for the show.  Another highlight of the trip was something that was about to happen at grandma's house...DINNER!!!  I had to go get Evan but that was no big deal.  We got our grub on to some pot roast and potatoes!  My favorite dish at grandma's.  After dinner we headed back to Evan's place to get ready for the show (aka drink).  Then headed to the Village Pub for my first solo gig outside of Florida.  You can check out how the show went and what went down after hours by clicking here. 

So if you visited the link you know we're at Bryan's.  We wake up and head back to Ev's for breakfast, waffles, bacon and OJ.  You would think we wouldn't be in the mood for food after a night like that, but who are we to reject a free meal, that would just be rude.  So we take off around 10 (I ended up driving the whole way, but I actually already had that in mind...I didn't want to take any detours if you know what I mean).  We both feel like absolute crap and we were in need of a pick me up.  So we turn to our trusted friends, once again, Tenacious D, and memorize all the words to all the little skits they do on the cd.  If you plan on hanging with me and Ev soon then you will more than likely hear us perform one of them.  Stopped at McD's for lunch and while Evan was in the bathroom a nice young lady who was sweeping the floors decided she wanted to talk to me.  All I can say is that it was a really weird exchange of words.  Winked to the 14-year old ballerinas that had come in for lunch (there were about 10 of them) and hit the road again.  Started making the phone calls to where J-Co was staying but had no luck getting in touch with him.  Yo J if you're reading this SET UP YOUR VOICEMAIL!!!!!  Anyways there was some dude with NY plates that had to be the oddest driver I've ever seen.  He will be referred to as Gilligan.  So Gilligan is definitely a fast driver, so it was my intention to follow him.  All of a sudden he pulls over to the side of the road.  There was an exit about 100 yards in front of where he pulled over so something must've been wrong.  Oh well.  Eventually some hottie from Maryland takes the lead.  All of a sudden, about an hour later he comes out of no where going about 120 cuts me off (well actually I tried to prevent him from passing me on the right cause I was following the girl from Maryland) and slows to 90.  Weird.  I guess he really wants to be in our convoy.  It's about dinner time and Ev and I are trying to figure out where we want to go.  He really has no input and I say to him, "You know, you don't really ever voice your opinion."  To this he replies, "Thanks Tara."  I laugh hysterically, but he only giggles.  Needless to say we broke up right then and there.  We end up eating at KFC, get some gas then back on the road.  Once again, out of no where here comes Gilligan.  He passes us and just as we're about to follow him, he pulls over to the side of the road again.  This guy is freaky.  Ev and I start laughing hysterically, then look into each other's eye's and remember why we fell in love in the first place.  What a silly fight we had.  Could something that simple get in the way of something so real?  Well we weren't going to let it, so we got back together.  And nothing says, "I want you back," more than the 100mph club.  Anyways...we finally pull into Ev's place at around 11, 1,923 miles later.  Future road trips will seem like nothing after that one, but I must say as long as it may have seemed like it took, it really flew by, and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again.