The Harts

I wasn't at all excited about having to work until 9 (2100 for the military types) on Friday night, especially when I had a 2-hr drive to Jacksonville ahead of me. Oh well, no worries, I mean someone has to protect the country. Whatever, let's fast forward through the boring ass drive. So I get to Jacksonville Beach to meet up with everyone at The Ritz. The place was wicked packed and it took me about 10 minutes to find everyone. The wait was well worth it because you would've thought these guys haven't seen me in a year...oh wait, they haven't. Everyone at the bar turned to check out why there was a little brown kid getting thrown all over the place. What a riot. Did a little catching up with everyone, to see where their "day jobs" have led them. Some even got engaged. I thought only grown-ups did that? Again, I digress. Here are the highlights for the night: 1) All the fellas having a wicked hot chick to dance with, cause "it aint no fun, if the homiez can't have none." 2) Someone in our group decided to have people sign his chest, then he pulled down his pants and a girl actually signed his ass! I then burnt it with a cigarette (make my shit the p-funk). Oh yea and he got tossed from the bar. 3) The fellas smokin on stogies like real men do...but then chatting about feelings and how we were all probably going to cry at the wedding and all that other bullshit that little school girls talk about.

Saturday, Mr. "usually not this responsible," woke me up shit ass early. We call him scumbag. Anyways we went out to breakfast and to find a place to do some same day dry cleaning. The latter was unsuccessful. Call me Mr. Prepared. Got back to the Navy base (forgot to mention we stayed there), and everyone else was up and wanted to go to breakfast. So I went out again just to hang.

Tip of the Week brought to you by PhilVilleza.com: If you're really fucking hung over, and end up going to a Waffle House for breakfast, never sit at the bar directly opposite from the flat-top grill. Just think about it.

The rest of Saturday was spent chillin out in the hotel room watchin tv and getting ready for the wedding. Which leads us to our next subject. The wedding was on the beach, and aside from everyone in the first 2 rows having umbrellas open (it was barely raining), was absolutely perfect. Ty and Dustin wrote their own vows, waves crashed, some guy in a speedo and his wife were watching from afar. Regardless of what Tiffany says, it couldn't have been more beautiful (that was an 80s reference, try to keep up). Of course immediately after the wedding was the reception. It was an open bar up to $500, but that soon dried up and I was left with a $70 tab. Everyone was wasted and the night had only begun. We took taxis to The Ritz in our fancy duds and kept fighting the good fight. I don't remember much but we didn't stay there long. We instead opted for Sneakers, a sports bar just down the street. More drinking. Evan showed up, back to the Ritz, then back to the Navy base. Mini-show on the beach, skinny dipping. Usually you put your clothes back on after skinny dipping, we didn't. We just walked around, talked to a few people then went back to the hotel room. Got dressed, girls came over, one still had her fancy clothes on so I gave her mine so that she would be more comfortable, we called her hip hop. Yadda yadda yadda, we barely missed the sunrise.

Sunday was rough, very rough, but so uneventful that this is the only sentence I will dedicate to it.